hysteroscopy

Last week I took my wife in to have a hysteroscopy. A recent ultrasound (though none before it) showed a small polyp in the uterus. I thought I knew what to expect. Clearly, I was wrong.

When they were describing the procedure, they used terms like “pressure” and “crampy.” But, as soon as they started, my wife started a death grip on my hand, tensed up like a three-day-old pancake, and started making all sorts of very unhappy noises. I was not prepared for the pain involved in the process.

That aside, it was pretty interesting watching the doctor at work. It was neat to see through that tiny camera. There were several polyps that he took out and a lot of tissue (we’re calling it “shag carpet”) in there that shouldn’t have been there.

It is interesting that he doesn’t think that any of that stuff would have prevented implantation. I think we were both hoping that this procedure would be a sort of “Eureka” moment where we’d discover why we haven’t been able to get pregnant. But, it wasn’t that.

So, I guess it’s a good thing that my wife stayed on Clomid. I had suggested stopping, hoping that maybe the procedure would clear the path for us to get pregnant–and if it did, having extra follicles might lead to a bigger risk of multiples.

The funny side to this event was me, actually. Now, the doctor was running an hour late (surprise, surprise… why can’t doctor’s offices learn to freakin schedule patients realistically–it’s what they do for a living, for cryin’ out loud) and this was pushing 1:00 or 1:30. I hadn’t eaten since the morning and my morning caffeine had worn off. Add to that the way my blood pressure shot up as I was so started to see my wife in so much pain for as long as it took to get it all done. So, once the procedure was open and my wife could relax, I could feel my blood pressure just dive. I started to get light headed. So, I got down and laid on the floor, much to the surprise of everyone else in the room–though they all appreciated me having the sense to do that and save them the effort of having to revive me. Now my wife is giving me a hard time about that and saying she’ll need to have a “backup” for the delivery room. Yeah, I don’t do real well with medical procedures. But, I was really fine during this. It was just that I wasn’t prepared for it and I had next to no blood sugar to help me cope with the blood pressure drop. Oh well, another story I won’t be able to live down.

not this month

I just got an e-mail from my wife at work. She started her period today. So, despite the Clomid and IUI, it didn’t “work” this month. All I can hope is that the Clomid will reduce the severity of her cramps. If it does, it will almost make the mood swings worth it. Now we’ll have to schedule an appointment to have her uterine polyp removed–and she’s really troubled about that. I’ve tried to encourage her on that, especially not to worry, but she doesn’t seem all that encouraged by my efforts on that.

Oh well. I’m still confident that God has something interesting and wonderful planned for us at some point and we just have to wait for it.

an unhappy and painful IUI

I wasn’t really sure how to title this posting. That was the best I could come up with. I previously posted that we were discussing (aka struggling) with the decision to have an IUI (aka artificial insemination) done. So, it was done, but not under the best of circumstances.

This one is pretty long, so I’ll just break it here. Suffice it to say, things haven’t been stellar in the household lately. We just couldn’t really reach agreement on the IUI. So, I gave my wife permission to have it done, even though I really didn’t want her to. [see the comment below for my change of the previous sentence to the following sentence] Eventually, I gave up trying to discuss it logically and rationally, and despite really not wanting her to have the IUI, I told her it was okay with me for her to go to have it done.

We would definitely appreciate continued prayer and support.

to IUI or not to IUI…

So, last cycle we pondered and ultimately decided against using Clomid but used it on this cycle. Now, we’re left to ponder whether to do an IUI on Monday morning or not.

Even the low dose of Clomid that my wife has taken proved to be quite potent. She had an internal ultrasound this morning and there are two follicles formed on one ovary. There’s another smaller one on the other side–but the doctor doesn’t think that will mature “in time. So, that alleviates one of my fears–that Clomid would stimulate 4 or 5 follicles.

We had a PCT done this morning as well (that’s Post-Coital Test). This time I got to see the results under the microscope. After we left, my wife asked me, “Did you like seeing ‘your boys’ swimming under the microscope?” I had to admit that I did. She replied, “I thought you would.” Why? I have no idea. It was just pretty funny and yet somehow amazing how the whole process works there. God is a creative, if not eccentric creator, no?

So, the results of the PCT were good. The doctor is happy that Clomid hasn’t reduced the ability of things to get swimming where they need to be swimming. The doctor has said that there’s no real advantage to doing an IUI (Inter-Uterine Insemination). The assistant that called with the results today did admit that “it couldn’t hurt anything–except your wallet.” Sure, at $400, it would hurt the wallet a little. It’s not crippling or anything. But, in the range that I say, “If the doctor doesn’t think we need to do it, why bother?” But, my wife still really wants to do it.

I find this ironic in one way. I was hesitant to use Clomid in the past. She kept arguing that we should follow the doctor’s advice. She believes that part of trusting God through our fertility process is to trust the doctor that we’ve entrusted with our care. Yet, now when that same doctor says that an IUI isn’t needed, that tune is now dropped. Now she believes she knows better than the doctor. To me, that’s a little ironic.

At this point, there’s enough else going on with our relationship that has me beaten down and borderline depressed. So, I’m very inclined to just give in to stop having to talk about it. I can’t say I believe it’s wrong to do it. It’s just unnecessary in my mind. If it were unnecessary and $20, then fine. But, unnecessary and $400? That makes it a little different.

bring on the clomid

My wife (unfortunately) got her period two days ago. So, since she wants to try Clomid badly and it might help ease her cramping should she not get pregnant, she’ll be starting Clomid here in a couple days. I’m mildly concerned about it. But, I don’t feel strongly enough to stop her from taking the “plunge” so to speak. So, we’ll see how it goes.

It’s just a 50mg dose for four days. Apparently that’s a common “starting point” for Clomid.

hannah’s prayer: “supporting couples” by excluding men

Hannah’s Prayer is a widely known and respected organization that supports “couples” with fertility challenges from/through a Christian/Biblical perspective. I learned about HP through the daily devotional my wife and I have been reading specifically for couples longing to conceive a child.

I thought that when an organization like this says they support “couples” that they would naturally include women and men. But, I was clearly wrong in this case.

for now, we wait

After much discussion tonight (and prayer over the past 24 hours), my wife and I have agreed to wait another month before starting her on Clomid.

Some of you just read that last sentence and went “what in the world is Clomid?” Some of you read the last sentence and went “why in the world would you hesitate to start Clomid?” Let me try to answer both of those questions.

to clomid, or not to clomid

Today is the day that my wife and I have to decide whether she should start taking Clomid on this cycle or not. I’m pressed for time at the moment… but would covet any prayers for our discussions, that God would lead us to choose what is His plan for us.

update: we decided to wait at least a month.

how a simple “no thanks” made a big statement

I was just browsing some of the recent blog postings here on WordPress. One mentioned today being the release of the annual Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. I don’t know if that’s a fact or not–to be honest, I couldn’t possibly care less. But, it reminded me of how I made a very loud statement two years ago without intending to, just by saying the simple and polite words: “no thanks.”

See, I was consulting in New York for a division of a large magazine publisher, which I won’t mention but you shouldn’t have to think too hard to figure out. In the lobby of the building were large racks that held copies of the recently published magazines. Employees (and apparently contractors) were allowed to grab a few copies of whatever magazines they wished.

I was happily working away (headphones on, hunched over the laptop) when I heard someone trying to get my attention. I turned around to see a young woman who I had seen many times delivering mail to the employees. She had a very full mail cart and was handing me a magazine. I believe it was wrapped in brown paper but I am not positive about that. I asked what it was, and she said, “It’s the swimsuit edition.” (As I came to learn, they distribute it one-per-employee rather than the usual “rack distribution” for normal editions of the magazine)  I didn’t really even ponder it and immediately replied, politely, “no thanks.” I got the most interesting look in reply. I think she asked if I was sure–but, again, I could be wrong. The administrative assistant in the cubicle next to me jumped to her feet saying, “I’ll take his copy.” I didn’t mind–whatever.

I put my headphones back on and got back to work. A few minutes later I heard a small group of people gathered outside my cubicle so I took off the headphones to hear them talking about me and what I had said. So, the most head-honcho guy that I worked with there, and only very tangentially (he was a C– level person), saw that I had turned around and said to me, “You don’t want the swimsuit edition?”

“Not really,” I said. “I just don’t think it would be edifying to my wife.”

I’m sure I must have instantly grown another head or two, because I got the strangest looks.

what type candy heart are you?

Appropriate for Valentine’s Day huh? Not that my wife and I do anything much–her quote: “every day is ‘Valentine’s Day’.”

Interesting how this quiz nailed me pretty well–especially with only 5 questions.

Your Candy Heart Says “Get Real”

You’re a bit of a cynic when it comes to love. You don’t lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart. Your ideal Valentine’s Day date: is all about the person you’re seeing (with no mentions of v-day!) Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic What turns you off: romantic expectations and “greeting card” holidays Why you’re hot: you don’t just play hard to get – you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?