ramblings from the noisedoctor

May 13, 2007

clomid, round 3

Filed under: Christianity, clomid, family, infertility, marriage — noisedoctor @ 8:47 am

I am really starting to dislike our doctor (RE). Well, not just the doctor, but the whole office organization. So far, I’ve been able to (barely) tolerate the 30-60 minute delays at every appointment we make–I take the laptop and do work while we wait. But, now I’m struggling–with the issue of trust.

One thing my wife has asked from the beginning is that I trust the doctor. I believe she’s right in suggesting that. We both believe that, at least for now, God wants us to pursue this course in fertility treatment (I say for now because there are limits to where we’ll go). And, part of doing that is giving up control, ownership, etc. and learning to trust that God has placed this doctor in our lives and God will allow that doctor to be His instrument.

So, here’s why I’m struggling right now.

From the point when we first started discussing Clomid, I told the doctor that I am very concerned about the risk of multiple births. My wife is not a large woman and my ultimate concern is for her health and safety, and secondarily for the health, safety, and well being of any child(ren). I believe that’s what the Bible teaches about the husband being the head of the household, that I’m to help protect my wife and keep her safe. Also, I’m one of those people that has been burned by those “medical percentages” before. Yes, 99% of people have a wonderful experience with LASIK. But, that leaves 1% of people that don’t. I’m one of those 1%. So… fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. When I hear things like 2%, 7%, whatever… I am not so quick to dismiss that as, “oh, that won’t happen to us.” If I got burned by 1%… how easier is it to be in the 7% range.

Now, before I continue, let me add that I believe I would enjoy taking on the challenge of twins–if that is what God really intends for us. If we were to simply get pregnant without drugs or fertility procedures and found out it were twins, I would be thrilled. But, I don’t desire that, I am only open if that’s what God really wants for us. And, that’s honestly my prayer, that God give us a baby (or babies) in His timing–when it’s the absolute best time/way to do it. I don’t want that gift just because He’s tired of hearing us beg for a baby. The Bible has enough stories of people getting what they ask for out of their impatience and it not being the “best” that they could have had if they had shown patience and trust in God.

So, I’ve said from the start that I’m okay (though not thrilled due to the side effects) with pursuing Clomid, but that I have a limit of 3 follicles. If we see 4 on the ultrasound, that makes it too big a risk and we’ll need to actually skip trying that month.

Now, onto this past week. My wife called the doctor’s office (from work) the day her period started to ask about a prescription for the next round of Clomid, mentioning that we were happy with keeping the dosage where it was (50 mg days 4-8). Round 1 yielded 2 follicles and round 2 yielded 2, possibly 3 (one a little smaller than the others) follicles.

She got a voicemail back from the nurse at the office that they called in a prescription for 150 mg days 2-4 and 100 mg days 5-6 or something like that. Something on the order of nearly triple what she had been taking. So, my wife called back and explained that we were not “normal couples” wanting as many follicles as possible and that the new dosage there seemed a big jump from what she had just taken. The nurse then replied, “Oh, I do see that in your chart. I’ll talk to the doctor and get back to you.”

That makes me wonder if they even looked at the chart in the first place.

So, the prescription got downgraded to 100 mg days 2-4, 50 mg days 5-6. So, 8 pills up from 5. And, with it starting day 2 (instead of day 4 like it has been the previous rounds) there wasn’t really any more time to play phone tag with the doctor’s office about this.

Now, back to the issue of trust. I’m supposed to trust this doctor (and office staff) that they’re doing the best thing for us. But, if we weren’t taking some action here pushing back, I can only imagine the results here. I’m just struggling to understand the reason to up the dosage here when we’ve been perfectly happy with 2 or 3 follicles and will not be happy if there are 4 or more. In fact, my wife will most likely be devastated if there are 4 and we have to waste an entire month.

But, I’m doing my best trying to trust that this dosage is okay. I’ve voiced my concerns, my wife is okay with my proposed limit of 3 follicles. Now that I write all this down, I need to just give it all over to God and let Him take care of it. If there turn out to be too many follicles in there and we take a month off, I have to accept it as His will that we just wait yet another month before we get our miracle.

It’s just hard when the doctor’s office has really not demonstrated a high level of trustworthiness.

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2 Comments »

  1. It really seems that you are quit confused as to what you want. You want to put it in Gods hands but your putting a limit on the “number of follicles” God gives you.
    Either you are in this treatment whole heartly or your not. If you are “putting it in Gods hands” then you should be prepared for whatever he sends your way. You seem to be making all the decisions for whatever is convenient for yourself. Maybe it is God’s intent for youto have triplets or quads????
    I suggest you decide whether you are really on bored with this treatment or get off the bus!

    Comment by Stacy — June 25, 2007 @ 12:13 pm

  2. That’s a valid perspective. However, if God did want triplets or quads, it wouldn’t matter how many follicles appear on an ultrasound. If He can pull an immaculate conception, He can do anything.
    Convenience has nothing to do with it. God placed me as the head of my household to care for and protect my wife, therefore I do have the responsibility to ensure that our treatment didn’t put her at health risk. Note, I said “didn’t.” It’s all in the past-tense now. Read my latest postings. We’re happily pregnant with one baby.

    Comment by noisedoctor — June 25, 2007 @ 2:38 pm


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