ramblings from the noisedoctor

October 17, 2007

ugh, I look 23 weeks pregnant

Filed under: humor, marriage, pregnancy, useless junk — Tags: — noisedoctor @ 9:49 am

I’m not a skinny guy and like most guys, I carry all my extra weight in my “pouch.” One of the things I’ve been joking with my wife about has been that with her being pregnant, she’d eventually get a bigger belly than me for the first time. Last week (at the end of week 21), I thought that “magical” moment had come. I pulled out a tape measure, only to find out that my belly was still a little bit bigger.

Ugh. That means I look 23 weeks pregnant. But, on the plus side, I don’t look as pregnant as I once did. 5 years ago I was 40 pounds heavier, and looked about 7 months pregnant. At least I’m moving the right direction…

August 11, 2007

so, when do I get my wife back?

Filed under: marriage, pregnancy — noisedoctor @ 6:27 am

I feel like I’ve been living alone for most of the past two months. There are times that I see evidence that there’s a zombie sharing my house and bed.

My wife is now almost 13 1/2 weeks into our pregnancy. I just keep hoping that she will hit this “energy boost” that I keep hearing about that’s supposed to kick in at the 2nd trimester. The weekends aren’t so bad. But, during the week, when she gets home from work, I can usually get about 3 sentences out of her before the eyes glaze over and “zombie-mode” kicks in. I just hope I get back the woman I love here at some point.

Dealing with the food aversions and crazed eating games hasn’t been too bad–more funny to watch: going from “I’m not hungry” to “I need to eat something right now” to preparing a huge plate of something (usually pasta or mashed potatoes) to “I can’t eat any more” (usually after 3 or 4 bites out of the huge plate). I knew my wife would be tired early on in pregnancy. I just didn’t know she’d sleep 12 hours and be barely communicative during her pseudo-waking hours.

I’ll survive… I just hope the zombie moves out and my wife returns… I miss her. I miss us.

June 30, 2007

praise to God for my house, family, and job

Filed under: Christianity, family, marriage, personal, pregnancy — noisedoctor @ 9:57 am

This week I celebrated the 5-year “anniversary” of closing on my house. At the time, I was dating someone, though not convinced it would last–and it didn’t. Yet, as I went through the house shopping process (finally opting to have a new house built–and helping design the floor plan) I was confident God was confirming that I would eventually find the right woman to marry, there would be kids, and I would need a home office. When I told people that I was having a 4-bedroom, 3,000-square-foot house built, most would say, “All that just for you?” I told them that it wasn’t just for me, that eventually the house would be full with a family.

In those five years, God has chosen to bestow those blessings on me. I’m feeling really blessed and believe God is honored as I give Him praise for His gifts to me. He gave me a wonderful wife nearly three years ago. I have been working from home for the past year and just accepted a new job that will allow me to continue to work from home. And, we’re 7 weeks pregnant.

God is good. God has been good to me. God will continue to be good to me. Praise God, He is worthy!

June 22, 2007

we have a heartbeat!

Filed under: infertility, marriage, pregnancy — noisedoctor @ 10:30 am

It was an exciting appointment with the doctor today. My wife is an ultrasound tech. She has done hundreds–if not thousands–of baby ultrasounds in her career. So I was wondering how she’d react to watching the ultrasound today. As she was last week, she was a bit tense and her heart was racing. Her heart seemed to race even more as the tech got things going. We could see the sack was larger than last week. It took a few minutes for her to focus in on the sack, and we could soon see the tiny heart beating. My wife exclaimed “thank you God” and started crying. I think she really feared something would be wrong. I had no doubt whatsoever that things would be great. Now I have to go get my scanner set up!

June 8, 2007

stunned…

Filed under: adoption, Christianity, clomid, family, infertility, marriage, pregnancy — noisedoctor @ 6:36 am

My wife just called me from work. I’m now sitting here stunned, my head swimming, my emotions all over the map. Why? Let me rewind.

The last few days have been really rough. My wife has, and she has admitted this, been very irritable. We went away on vacation from May 22-30th. We had a great time in Aruba. My wife had really wanted to go there for a while. The trip coincided with her potentially fertile time. The day before the trip, she had an ultrasound to verify that there were two follicles. He suggested taking a pack of ovulation detector kits with us on the trip. When we left the office, my wife suggested we stop and buy a pack. I asked if she’d be okay with not doing that–to just forget about planning, “trying,” or anything else and just going away, having a good time, and allowing God to take care of it. We discussed it for a few minutes and she agreed with my suggestion. We did have a great trip (I had too much of a great trip and gained 7 pounds. yikes!).

For the last few days, my wife has been very irritable, not just to me, but to her co-workers as well. The hospital has been very busy this week and she has been there every day this week (she usually gets one or two days at another of their facilities where it’s not nearly as stressful and busy). Day 28 was Tuesday or Wednesday–I’m not sure. She has been saying that she “isn’t feeling any different” than any other month right before starting her period. Wednesday morning her temperature dropped slightly, like it normally does a day or two before her period starts. So, she started taking her cramp/pain medication like she normally does to prevent her very painful cramping. Yesterday, her temperature held to what it was on Wednesday–which was odd, but not completely unheard of. This morning, it crept back up slightly. That was odd.

So, what should we do? She had to be at work soon. We have sworn off keeping pregnancy tests in the house. She didn’t have time to stop and get one on the way to work. So, she suggested just scanning herself (she’s an ultrasound tech) and having me come in with her (that was part of a deal we made–no scanning unless I’m there). But, it would be logistically tough for me to get dressed, get in there and have that done before any of her co-workers showed up, and she’s been trying to keep the fertility stuff from most of her co-workers. So, I suggested she just go in and scan herself without me. Partly because I was completely brain dead–I got up earlier than usual, partly because I didn’t expect the scan to show anything even if she is pregnant, and partly because I didn’t want to cause a scene if co-workers arrived.

I just got a phone call. She’s pretty confident that she sees one if not two sacks in her uterus. She’s not sure because she was so beside herself once she saw her lining intact (not about to be shed for her period).

I’m stunned most of all. I’m thrilled. I’m mildly concerned about there maybe being two (I’ve discussed that previously). I’m shocked at how it’s played out this month with her convinced that nothing “was going on” there.

I’m also a tiny bit concerned that… on the vacation, she was drinking a little bit. Does that matter in the first week after implantation? I doubt it. Does it matter that she was taking Anaprox here for a couple days? I don’t know. I guess I figure if God has finally decided this is the right time for a miracle (if not two miracles) then I have to doubt a little bit of pain medication isn’t going to be a problem.

I also find it very ironic that two nights ago, my wife started to express a strong desire to begin immediate work to start the adoption process. She had recently met a woman who works as a lawyer assisting in private adoptions. I had said that I am open to that possibility but really didn’t think I had received any sort of push from God in that direction just yet. Someday, just not right now.

So, here I am: stunned. I’m not sure when we’ll need to go in and see the fertility doctor. I don’t know when we’ll be able to find out for sure whether it’s one or two. I’m praying that whatever number, we don’t have to go through what our friends just did with a miscarriage. It’s just so early. Its so sudden. So many emotions. I want to know more and don’t have any choice but to wait.

I’m not sure what else to say. Wow.

May 13, 2007

clomid, round 3

Filed under: Christianity, clomid, family, infertility, marriage — noisedoctor @ 8:47 am

I am really starting to dislike our doctor (RE). Well, not just the doctor, but the whole office organization. So far, I’ve been able to (barely) tolerate the 30-60 minute delays at every appointment we make–I take the laptop and do work while we wait. But, now I’m struggling–with the issue of trust.

(more…)

May 7, 2007

another swing and miss

Filed under: clomid, infertility, marriage — noisedoctor @ 11:53 pm

We had agreed a while back not to do any more pregnancy tests–just wait for the period to start or not. But, tonight my wife’s back pain was really bad (no idea what caused it, thought it might be from being pregnant) and the Tylenol wasn’t cutting it. So… we agreed to take a test to see if she could take something stronger.

Another swing and miss. So, if we get pregnant next month we’d be batting around .052–not even up there with American League pitchers during inter-league play. But, we’ll keep trying nonetheless. We believe God is just telling us “not yet” and not “no.” So, we’ll wait for that one blessed time we’re able to connect with the pitch.

May 2, 2007

not what I want to be

Filed under: family, infertility, marriage — noisedoctor @ 12:08 pm

I like to look at my blog stats to see the search terms that lead people here. I did not like a search term from a couple days ago: “infertility, unsupportive husband.”

Ouch. My hope would be that someone searching for “unsupportive husband” would go just about anywhere but here. I guess it probably came out of the comments on this post about the IUI my wife wanted to have when I didn’t really want to.

I hope that I am not an “unsupportive” husband. I hope that whoever was searching for information on “infertility, unsupportive husband” did not find what they were looking for on my blog.

I’ve asked my wife about this and she says I’m supportive. So, that’s the one person on the planet who matters in this regard. Obviously I’d like my heavenly Father to agree with that assessment.

April 24, 2007

does God have a sick sense of humor?

Filed under: adoption, Christianity, family, infertility, marriage — noisedoctor @ 10:45 pm

Yes, I’m kidding. But after what I heard today, I have to ask myself the question jokingly, because it almost seems true.

My wife and I have been trying for a year and a half now to get pregnant. We’ve been seeing a specialist (RE) since December. My wife knows a woman who is in a less-than-ideal marriage. After her second child was born, she had her “tubes tied” because her husband absolutely does not want another child.

Today we learned that she might be pregnant–though it’s very possibly an ectopic pregnancy.

God, are you kidding me? Here’s someone that really doesn’t want to get pregnant and took very reasonable steps toward preventing pregnancy. And she still gets pregnant, somehow. Yet here we are, trying, taking drugs, inserting all manner of medical equipment in places, etc. and we can’t seem to get the miracle we want.

Don’t get me wrong. I feel absolutely terrible for this woman. Her husband is completely “unsupportive” (her word) in this situation. If it’s not an ectopic pregnancy, she will likely have an abortion. That just breaks my heart.

Is this meant to spark an interest in adoption? Or is this just some more random event? I just don’t get it.

clomid cycle 2

Filed under: clomid, family, infertility, IUI, marriage — noisedoctor @ 10:34 pm

I haven’t posted much lately. After last month’s tension regarding the IUI (my wife going ahead with that against the doctor’s and my advice) I got a little burned out from thinking about, much less writing about, this infertility journey.

We’re mid-way through Clomid cycle 2. My wife has been having a lot more and more severe hot flashes. But, thankfully, there have been less serious mood swings. Either they’re not as bad this time around, she’s gotten better at controlling them, or I’ve gotten better at rolling with them–either way, it’s been a lot better for us this month.

She got checked twice this cycle: last Friday (too early) and this morning. There are two, possibly three, follicles that look like they’re ready to do their thing. The doctor was very pleased that things are swimming well, especially since Clomid tends to try up cervical mucus–hence why IUIs are common when using Clomid. So, this time my wife is in agreement with me and the doctor that an IUI wouldn’t really accomplish a lot.

Oh, gotta go. We have to do our homework. 🙂

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