ramblings from the noisedoctor

January 14, 2010

a wild emotional roller coaster ends sadly

Filed under: pregnancy — Tags: , , — noisedoctor @ 11:45 pm

Several days before Christmas, my wife and I found out she was pregnant. We were excited, albeit a little surprised. We weren’t trying but we weren’t “not not trying” as I put it. I think my wife was especially shocked since we weren’t very “active” that month so to speak–especially around when she would have normally ovulated.

Shortly after Christmas, however, the roller coaster began. My wife started having a lot of spotting. That led to some questionable lab test results on her quant levels (different labs producing vastly different results showed her levels dropping when in fact they weren’t). So, that led to an early ultrasound right before New Years. There was a visible heartbeat and much rejoicing. There was evidence of a significant uterine bleed. Soon, the spotting was slowing down and my wife was much more at ease with the situation.

This Monday there was a bit of heavier bleeding going on again with some clots being passed. She called the doctor and was scheduled for an ultrasound and doctor visit on Wednesday (yesterday). We knew the ultrasound tech and she surprised us by immediately turning on the doppler audio so we could hear a heart beat (I doubt that’s normal procedure, but we’re friends…). The baby grew at a normal rate and the heart rate was virtually ideal at 148. There was no evidence of the bleed. Apparently what happened on Monday was the final healing process for the bleed. We were so excited.

Then, last night my wife started bleeding again. She thought maybe it was a result of the doctor exam. Then she started getting some cramps and low back pain. That led to serious bleeding and cramping this morning. That prompted an immediate call to the doctor’s office and a trip in there. Praise God for retired grandparents able to drop their Bible study plans to care for our son!

God also worked out the timing that we were able to make it back to an exam room before things got bad. The cramps got intense and tissue started to pass. Thankfully, the staff at the office was exceptional. After a few private moments in tearful prayer, they allowed us to have a quick ultrasound to verify that the baby was indeed gone and supported our decision to head to the hospital for a D&E.

We are indeed sad for this tiny baby which we won’t have a chance to meet until we get to heaven. It’s so much harder given how positive our news was yesterday.

As I sat for the hours waiting for my wife to go in for her surgery, the thought that kept going through my mind was from Job 1:21:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.” (Job 1:21)

It’s been a strange roller coaster of emotions the past few weeks. Today it turned definitively sad.

We are encouraged to have gotten pregnant so “easily” this time (2 months of “not not trying vs. 18+ months of trying. We are glad to have the support of many godly friends and family to help support us. We are thankful for God’s many promises of mercy and comfort in His Word. We know he will work through this somehow for our eternal good.

Sad, but moving forward.

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