one year since my “walk to emmaus”

As I was doing some weeding in the garden this evening, I remembered that tonight makes one year since I went on “The Walk to Emmaus.” I realized that there was no doubt a group of about 20 anxious men just starting out on an interesting weekend.

I’ve been thinking for a while that I should write up about my “experience” at the event but I just haven’t made the time to do it. I guess maybe this will now inspired me to do so. But, so I don’t leave anyone in suspense, I’ll sum it up. Like I said, it was interesting but I have chosen not to be involved with the group or any of their events. I hope to elaborate soon.

daffodil peak / celebrating last summer’s elephant task

Last summer I spent several weeks excavating the rock along my driveway so I could have a nice flowerbed there. It was one of what I call “elephant tasks,” a seemingly impossible task analogous to eating an elephant.

This year’s hot-then-cold spring delayed my gratification a bit, but most of the 800 daffodils (and 50 tulips) I planted in the fall have now opened. I am stoked at how great the flower bed looks right now. Here’s what it looks like right now:

does God have a sick sense of humor?

Yes, I’m kidding. But after what I heard today, I have to ask myself the question jokingly, because it almost seems true.

My wife and I have been trying for a year and a half now to get pregnant. We’ve been seeing a specialist (RE) since December. My wife knows a woman who is in a less-than-ideal marriage. After her second child was born, she had her “tubes tied” because her husband absolutely does not want another child.

Today we learned that she might be pregnant–though it’s very possibly an ectopic pregnancy.

God, are you kidding me? Here’s someone that really doesn’t want to get pregnant and took very reasonable steps toward preventing pregnancy. And she still gets pregnant, somehow. Yet here we are, trying, taking drugs, inserting all manner of medical equipment in places, etc. and we can’t seem to get the miracle we want.

Don’t get me wrong. I feel absolutely terrible for this woman. Her husband is completely “unsupportive” (her word) in this situation. If it’s not an ectopic pregnancy, she will likely have an abortion. That just breaks my heart.

Is this meant to spark an interest in adoption? Or is this just some more random event? I just don’t get it.

clomid cycle 2

I haven’t posted much lately. After last month’s tension regarding the IUI (my wife going ahead with that against the doctor’s and my advice) I got a little burned out from thinking about, much less writing about, this infertility journey.

We’re mid-way through Clomid cycle 2. My wife has been having a lot more and more severe hot flashes. But, thankfully, there have been less serious mood swings. Either they’re not as bad this time around, she’s gotten better at controlling them, or I’ve gotten better at rolling with them–either way, it’s been a lot better for us this month.

She got checked twice this cycle: last Friday (too early) and this morning. There are two, possibly three, follicles that look like they’re ready to do their thing. The doctor was very pleased that things are swimming well, especially since Clomid tends to try up cervical mucus–hence why IUIs are common when using Clomid. So, this time my wife is in agreement with me and the doctor that an IUI wouldn’t really accomplish a lot.

Oh, gotta go. We have to do our homework. 🙂

hysteroscopy

Last week I took my wife in to have a hysteroscopy. A recent ultrasound (though none before it) showed a small polyp in the uterus. I thought I knew what to expect. Clearly, I was wrong.

When they were describing the procedure, they used terms like “pressure” and “crampy.” But, as soon as they started, my wife started a death grip on my hand, tensed up like a three-day-old pancake, and started making all sorts of very unhappy noises. I was not prepared for the pain involved in the process.

That aside, it was pretty interesting watching the doctor at work. It was neat to see through that tiny camera. There were several polyps that he took out and a lot of tissue (we’re calling it “shag carpet”) in there that shouldn’t have been there.

It is interesting that he doesn’t think that any of that stuff would have prevented implantation. I think we were both hoping that this procedure would be a sort of “Eureka” moment where we’d discover why we haven’t been able to get pregnant. But, it wasn’t that.

So, I guess it’s a good thing that my wife stayed on Clomid. I had suggested stopping, hoping that maybe the procedure would clear the path for us to get pregnant–and if it did, having extra follicles might lead to a bigger risk of multiples.

The funny side to this event was me, actually. Now, the doctor was running an hour late (surprise, surprise… why can’t doctor’s offices learn to freakin schedule patients realistically–it’s what they do for a living, for cryin’ out loud) and this was pushing 1:00 or 1:30. I hadn’t eaten since the morning and my morning caffeine had worn off. Add to that the way my blood pressure shot up as I was so started to see my wife in so much pain for as long as it took to get it all done. So, once the procedure was open and my wife could relax, I could feel my blood pressure just dive. I started to get light headed. So, I got down and laid on the floor, much to the surprise of everyone else in the room–though they all appreciated me having the sense to do that and save them the effort of having to revive me. Now my wife is giving me a hard time about that and saying she’ll need to have a “backup” for the delivery room. Yeah, I don’t do real well with medical procedures. But, I was really fine during this. It was just that I wasn’t prepared for it and I had next to no blood sugar to help me cope with the blood pressure drop. Oh well, another story I won’t be able to live down.

how about you just pick one?

When people are reasonable, posting wanted messages on freecycle groups is a good thing. There have been times when people have posted that they want something and I remember that I have that item and won’t really ever use it again.

The posting below appeared on our local freecycle group over the weekend and does not fall into what I consider the “reasonable” category.

Wanted: Lawnmower, Tiller, Edger, Mulch, & Patio Furniture
Hello and Happy Spring,
I am in need of a lawnmower, edger /
trimmer,tiller, and mulch for my yard. I am a novice landscaper
taking over a mature garden. In addition to the lawn equipment I
also am in need of wicker patio furniture as well. I can pick up
anywhere.
Thanks

Why on earth would you take on a “mature garden” without the equipment needed to take care of it? But, at least this person didn’t ask people to come over and mow/trim/mulch/rototill, huh?

oh, you want pictures too?

Today on our local freecycle group:

Wanted: old video games/consoles/PDA's/Laptops
Please let me know if you have anything that I could find of use at ***@***.***
If possible please include pictures of the items

You want all that stuff for free and have the gall to ask people to send a picture before giving you their stuff? Maybe you should have asked for a clue as well.

awakening

I love it when a band doesn’t take themselves too seriously… Switchfoot’s new video for “Awakening.”

not this month

I just got an e-mail from my wife at work. She started her period today. So, despite the Clomid and IUI, it didn’t “work” this month. All I can hope is that the Clomid will reduce the severity of her cramps. If it does, it will almost make the mood swings worth it. Now we’ll have to schedule an appointment to have her uterine polyp removed–and she’s really troubled about that. I’ve tried to encourage her on that, especially not to worry, but she doesn’t seem all that encouraged by my efforts on that.

Oh well. I’m still confident that God has something interesting and wonderful planned for us at some point and we just have to wait for it.

wrong time of year, ace

Posting on our local freecycle group today:

WANTED: Daffodil bulbs

Even though daffodils are blooming now you plant them in the fall. Thus, it’d be highly unlikely that anyone would have them lying around. And, if someone were to dig them up for you now, they’d die.