stunned…

My wife just called me from work. I’m now sitting here stunned, my head swimming, my emotions all over the map. Why? Let me rewind.

The last few days have been really rough. My wife has, and she has admitted this, been very irritable. We went away on vacation from May 22-30th. We had a great time in Aruba. My wife had really wanted to go there for a while. The trip coincided with her potentially fertile time. The day before the trip, she had an ultrasound to verify that there were two follicles. He suggested taking a pack of ovulation detector kits with us on the trip. When we left the office, my wife suggested we stop and buy a pack. I asked if she’d be okay with not doing that–to just forget about planning, “trying,” or anything else and just going away, having a good time, and allowing God to take care of it. We discussed it for a few minutes and she agreed with my suggestion. We did have a great trip (I had too much of a great trip and gained 7 pounds. yikes!).

For the last few days, my wife has been very irritable, not just to me, but to her co-workers as well. The hospital has been very busy this week and she has been there every day this week (she usually gets one or two days at another of their facilities where it’s not nearly as stressful and busy). Day 28 was Tuesday or Wednesday–I’m not sure. She has been saying that she “isn’t feeling any different” than any other month right before starting her period. Wednesday morning her temperature dropped slightly, like it normally does a day or two before her period starts. So, she started taking her cramp/pain medication like she normally does to prevent her very painful cramping. Yesterday, her temperature held to what it was on Wednesday–which was odd, but not completely unheard of. This morning, it crept back up slightly. That was odd.

So, what should we do? She had to be at work soon. We have sworn off keeping pregnancy tests in the house. She didn’t have time to stop and get one on the way to work. So, she suggested just scanning herself (she’s an ultrasound tech) and having me come in with her (that was part of a deal we made–no scanning unless I’m there). But, it would be logistically tough for me to get dressed, get in there and have that done before any of her co-workers showed up, and she’s been trying to keep the fertility stuff from most of her co-workers. So, I suggested she just go in and scan herself without me. Partly because I was completely brain dead–I got up earlier than usual, partly because I didn’t expect the scan to show anything even if she is pregnant, and partly because I didn’t want to cause a scene if co-workers arrived.

I just got a phone call. She’s pretty confident that she sees one if not two sacks in her uterus. She’s not sure because she was so beside herself once she saw her lining intact (not about to be shed for her period).

I’m stunned most of all. I’m thrilled. I’m mildly concerned about there maybe being two (I’ve discussed that previously). I’m shocked at how it’s played out this month with her convinced that nothing “was going on” there.

I’m also a tiny bit concerned that… on the vacation, she was drinking a little bit. Does that matter in the first week after implantation? I doubt it. Does it matter that she was taking Anaprox here for a couple days? I don’t know. I guess I figure if God has finally decided this is the right time for a miracle (if not two miracles) then I have to doubt a little bit of pain medication isn’t going to be a problem.

I also find it very ironic that two nights ago, my wife started to express a strong desire to begin immediate work to start the adoption process. She had recently met a woman who works as a lawyer assisting in private adoptions. I had said that I am open to that possibility but really didn’t think I had received any sort of push from God in that direction just yet. Someday, just not right now.

So, here I am: stunned. I’m not sure when we’ll need to go in and see the fertility doctor. I don’t know when we’ll be able to find out for sure whether it’s one or two. I’m praying that whatever number, we don’t have to go through what our friends just did with a miscarriage. It’s just so early. Its so sudden. So many emotions. I want to know more and don’t have any choice but to wait.

I’m not sure what else to say. Wow.